Mary Mary Quite Contrary, How Does Your Garden Grow?

"Everyone comes into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime."
-- Not sure who it's by, but one of my Aunties told me this

After a few days of what seems like a roller coaster in my life, I have come to some new realizations in my life. One of the foremost (and obvious) conclusions I have drawn is that nobody will every have identical morals and grounds for behavior. No matter how similar personalities are, who you were raised by, what you do, or where you live, each moral compass is different. Now, I'm not saying that any one moral compass is superior to another, but some do carry stark realities and grave consequences. Part of the beauty of friendship is the ability to value (or at the very least respect) the decisions and behaviors of another. After all, life experience, successes, failures, and instilled values are all what shape actions, thoughts, and reactions from us. As time goes on, we change and so do our perspectives and moral compasses as well.

It's also safe to say that I've learned that the majority of people you encounter in your life, are there for a reason. These are the people you go out with, maybe see a movie with, watch sports with, and maybe share a meal or two. You know, the friend of a friend. These are aquaintences that serve a very minor purpose in your life-- proximity and timing are all key for this relationship to sustain. These people teach us what we do value in friendships and how to esablish (or not establish) who we trust.

Then there are those that you are close to more out of convenience or circumstance than anything else... the people that you do all of the above with, but who you also call when you are having a bad day and need cheering up. Or when you have to go to an event and need moral support. People that you truly value and care about, but that might not be there forever-- they are there in passing...for a season, if you will.

Then there are those that are truly close to your heart. Friendships that we establish in life that create a bond that is not easily broken. They are the ones that truly help mold us as people... they teach us understanding, tolerance, forgiveness, and unconditional love. Unfortunately, these are the people that often times face the toughest criticism from us. These are the relationships that are fleeting and take but a moment to establish. These relationships take a lot of time and effort to maintain, much like a delicate flower. If we continue to feed, water, groom, and ensure proper sunlight, they blossom into something strong and beautiful. People that step into our life for a lifetime are the ones that deserve our utmost attention. The beauty of these friendships is, once they are planted, even if we forget to water them once in a while, they can still survive and flourish. It's when we neglect their needs for a prolonged period of time that they start to suffer irrevokable damage. Sure, maintaining these friendships takes a lot of time and effort, but the reward is well worth it.

In essence, I have learned to put far more time into fostering the few relationships that fall into the "lifetime" category. And while it's unfortunate, part of growing up is realizing that everyone can't fit into this part of our lives... and it is completely possible for a friendship to grow as well as grow apart. And that's ok too. Cultivating quality over quantity becomes essential as our lives get busier and our days get shorter. Now I'm not saying to push everyone away or to not be friendly with people, but knowing where to focus energy and how much time to devote to each friendship creates and entirely new dynamic to maintaining good relationships regardless of which category they fall into-- a reason, season, or lifetime. Weeding out and maintaining this garden can be painful at times, there are several thorns to watch out for, but with happy, healthy, thoughtful relationships, a single flower has more beauty than a football field of weeds.