"Everyone comes into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime."
-- Not sure who it's by, but one of my Aunties told me this
After a few days of what seems like a roller coaster in my life, I have come to some new realizations in my life. One of the foremost (and obvious) conclusions I have drawn is that nobody will every have identical morals and grounds for behavior. No matter how similar personalities are, who you were raised by, what you do, or where you live, each moral compass is different. Now, I'm not saying that any one moral compass is superior to another, but some do carry stark realities and grave consequences. Part of the beauty of friendship is the ability to value (or at the very least respect) the decisions and behaviors of another. After all, life experience, successes, failures, and instilled values are all what shape actions, thoughts, and reactions from us. As time goes on, we change and so do our perspectives and moral compasses as well.
It's also safe to say that I've learned that the majority of people you encounter in your life, are there for a reason. These are the people you go out with, maybe see a movie with, watch sports with, and maybe share a meal or two. You know, the friend of a friend. These are aquaintences that serve a very minor purpose in your life-- proximity and timing are all key for this relationship to sustain. These people teach us what we do value in friendships and how to esablish (or not establish) who we trust.
Then there are those that you are close to more out of convenience or circumstance than anything else... the people that you do all of the above with, but who you also call when you are having a bad day and need cheering up. Or when you have to go to an event and need moral support. People that you truly value and care about, but that might not be there forever-- they are there in passing...for a season, if you will.
Then there are those that are truly close to your heart. Friendships that we establish in life that create a bond that is not easily broken. They are the ones that truly help mold us as people... they teach us understanding, tolerance, forgiveness, and unconditional love. Unfortunately, these are the people that often times face the toughest criticism from us. These are the relationships that are fleeting and take but a moment to establish. These relationships take a lot of time and effort to maintain, much like a delicate flower. If we continue to feed, water, groom, and ensure proper sunlight, they blossom into something strong and beautiful. People that step into our life for a lifetime are the ones that deserve our utmost attention. The beauty of these friendships is, once they are planted, even if we forget to water them once in a while, they can still survive and flourish. It's when we neglect their needs for a prolonged period of time that they start to suffer irrevokable damage. Sure, maintaining these friendships takes a lot of time and effort, but the reward is well worth it.
In essence, I have learned to put far more time into fostering the few relationships that fall into the "lifetime" category. And while it's unfortunate, part of growing up is realizing that everyone can't fit into this part of our lives... and it is completely possible for a friendship to grow as well as grow apart. And that's ok too. Cultivating quality over quantity becomes essential as our lives get busier and our days get shorter. Now I'm not saying to push everyone away or to not be friendly with people, but knowing where to focus energy and how much time to devote to each friendship creates and entirely new dynamic to maintaining good relationships regardless of which category they fall into-- a reason, season, or lifetime. Weeding out and maintaining this garden can be painful at times, there are several thorns to watch out for, but with happy, healthy, thoughtful relationships, a single flower has more beauty than a football field of weeds.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
A Story You May Have Gotten
A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full.
...They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "Yes."
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the counter and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar - effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter - like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff.
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out dancing.
There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.
The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."
When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full.
...They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "Yes."
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the counter and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar - effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter - like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff.
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out dancing.
There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.
The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."
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